31 Movies of May, Day 18: The Italian Job

May 18th viewing: The Italian Job, chosen by an old criminal associate who was murdered by the Italian mafia in a dramatic mountainside car crash

Year of Release: 1969

Directed by: Peter Collinson

Written by: Troy Kennedy Martin

Starring: Michael Caine, Noël Coward, Benny Hill, Raf Vallone, Margaret Blye, Tony Beckley, Rossano Brazi

Accompanying Beverage of Choice: Son of Juice (IPA, 6.3% ABV), Maplewood Brewery, Chicago, Illinois
(Support Independent Breweries - buy local when getting buzzed during quarantine)

If you were to take a Twinkie, make it out of lemon poppyseed cake instead of yellow sponge cake, then shape it like a triangle instead of that covered bridge shape it has now, nobody would call it a Twinkie. It would still be a cream-filled snack cake, of course, but nobody would think what you made was a Twinkie. Things get different, though, if you buy the Twinkie brand name from Hostess, and then slap it on the packaging of your lemon poppyseed cake monstrosities. Then, suddenly, people will start calling it a Twinkie. People who have already had a Twinkie will wonder why it’s so different, but a lot of other people have never had an original Twinkie, so they probably won’t know the difference.

The Italian Job was originally made out of yellow sponge cake in 1969. In 2003, some Hollywood baker bought the Italian Job brand name and made a lemon poppy seed triangle version of it. The lemon poppy seed cake version was OK, and at the time I saw it, I had never seen the 1969 version, so I thought the original was made out of lemon poppy seed cake too. Now I have finally tasted that yellow sponge cake, and wow, that lemon poppy seed version just threw out almost the entire original recipe, didn’t it?

There are the barest of broad similarities between the two films. Both are heist films, both heists involve Mini Coopers and some traffic shenanigans, and both feature characters named Charlie and Bridger. But that’s pretty much it. 

The 2003 Italian Job isn’t really even about an Italian job. Its prelude concerns a heist in Italy that sets the rest of the plot in motion, but it’s just the minimum connection to Italy necessary to justify co-opting the “Italian Job” brand name. The bulk of the film is set in Los Angeles, with Mark Wahlberg and his crew plotting to steal from Edward Norton. Wahlberg plays the 2003 version Charlie, an incredibly bland man who is largely humorless and never makes mistakes. His romantic interest is Charlize Theron’s safecracker Stella Bridger, the daughter of kindhearted mentor John Bridger, played by Donald Sutherland. They are also largely humorless. The movie’s charm is left to the ensemble cast, notably Jason Statham, Seth Green, and Mos Def.

The original Italian Job’s Charlie is much more compelling as a heist movie lead. Michael Caine plays Charlie as a scheming, oafish rogue who nonetheless has some undeniable leadership skills. He comes off as a bit Bugs Bunny and a bit Butch Cassidy, though in the lens of 2020, he actually feels like a mid-century earthbound Star Lord/Peter Quill from Guardians of the Galaxy. Most of the humor and wit from the movie emanates from Caine, and of the actual heist team, he’s really the only character that pops. Everybody else in the crew (which is about a dozen strong) is just a bit part, as opposed to the ensemble of the remake.

The difference in character for Charlie feeds into an overall tonal difference in the films as well. The heist team in the remake is very noble, led by an honorable thief who just wants to get what is rightfully his, avenge a murder, and get out of the game. The film goes to great lengths to show that our heroes don’t get anybody hurt, and all of their criminal acts are victimless. The original harbors no such ideas that Caine and his associates are angels. They don’t kill anybody in the film, but the crew pulls the heist not in service of righting a wrong, but as a means to enrich a powerful mob boss (the boss is also a diehard British nationalist who no doubt would have been a huge Brexit proponent). And even though they don’t resort to murder, they do beat the crap out of a bunch of truck guards protecting the gold shipment at the center of the heist.

These tonal differences lead the films to have almost no overlap in emotional beats. They also have almost no overlap in story beats - the only plot point they share is hacking into traffic systems. And of course, they couldn’t end more differently, with the remake ending as conventionally as it could possibly be written, and the original ending on its famous literal cliffhanger.

The 2003 version is a Twinkie in name only. Buy the original Twinkie, made with authentic Michael Caine flavoring.